


letting go

by aislingdoheanta



Series: Robert Week 2018 [3]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Remix, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 17:18:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15953939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aislingdoheanta/pseuds/aislingdoheanta
Summary: Post Trial and Liv getting Robert arrested. Canon Divergence - After Robert’s released from prison and finds out who set him up, he’s not sure if he can be with Aaron anymore, not right now. Maybe it’s for the best, Aaron can’t be stuck in the middle if there’s only one other side. (Set right after 31 may 2016 and 01 june 2016 episodes.)Written for Day Three of Robert Week - “Free Day.”





	letting go

**Author's Note:**

> So as I was going through watching different scenes and storylines to try and determine what I wanted to write for this week, I just kept finding places that I almost wanted Robert and Aaron to break up or have actual conversations about things, and this one idea wouldn’t leave me alone. I have a little bit more written for this strange AU thing, but I’m not sure if I will actually write it or if it was just a fun exercise. I just really felt like exploring how that would go because… why not? Either way, sorry that it’s pretty sad and angsty. 
> 
> Come say "hi!" on [tumblr (and let me know if you want more of this or not!)](http://saras-almanac.tumblr.com/ask)

It had been going round and round his head all day, _Why now?_ What did Ryan think he had to gain by speaking out now? Robert knew that Aaron didn’t want him to keep worrying about it, but at the end of the day, it was Robert’s neck on the line and he just couldn’t sort it out.

Aaron had tried his best to distract Robert all day, but Robert was only half-invested. _Why now?_

They were headed back to the pub after a short day at the scrapyard when Robert brought the subject up again. “I don’t get it. Ryan knew the score. If I go down, so does he. I paid him to keep quiet, why would he talk now? Put his neck on the line after all this time?”

They walked into the back room together when Aaron said, “Who knows?”

It caused something to lodge itself into Robert’s head, the nonchalant way Aaron said that. It was a far cry from the morning when Aaron had promised that they’d sort it out together and that Aaron wasn’t going to let Robert go to prison. But Robert couldn’t focus on that right now.

“Someone’s put him up to it,” Robert said. It’d been a niggle all day, but now that he’d said it out loud, it was the only thing that made sense.

“No one would wanna do that to ya, would they?” Aaron asked.

“Not unless someone’s made it worth his while,” Robert said, his mind churning. “Someone with a shedload of cash. Someone who hates my guts. Someone who was near his house yesterday. Where’s Liv?”

Robert turned to head back into the backroom as he heard Aaron say, “Robert, look.”

“I think me and your sister need to have a word,” Robert said. They had to get to the bottom of this.

“Robert she’s just a kid,” Aaron said, following Robert into the back room. “She didn’t think it through.”

The line stopped Robert cold. “Wait, you knew?”

The guilt was written all over’s Aaron’s face. He’d seen it off an on all day, but Robert had stupidly thought it was guilt that he was the reason Robert had done everything with Ryan.

“I only just found out,” Aaron said.

“I’ve been grassed up and you never said a word to me,” Robert said, feeling anger and fear building up.

“You’d already been arrested. Look, Liv knows she’s been stupid and she’s sorry,” Aaron said, twisting his hands together like he does when he’s nervous. 

“You go on and on about honesty,” Robert said, shaking his head. “You’re meant to have my back!”

“I couldn’t stop it, it was too late.”

Robert could not believe what he was hearing. “I could go to prison for this Aaron.”

Aaron looked down, but didn’t say anything.

“What I did with Ryan, it was all for you,” Robert said quietly. “And you chose her over me.”

It was the familiar feeling of second-best washing over him. It was a feeing he’d known well, nearly all his life. He just never thought he’d feel it with Aaron.

It hurt when Aaron didn’t say anything. No denial. No explanation. Nothing. He just stood there, looking down.

“You two deserve each other,” Robert said. He walked out of the backroom, not able to be there for one more minute.

“Robert, wait,” Aaron said as he followed Robert into the pub.

Robert wasn’t about to stop. He couldn’t stop. He wanted to be angry and scared and sad, but he wasn’t about to be all that in front of Aaron. He couldn’t. Not anymore. Not right now.

Robert walked outside and started making his way toward Vic’s house.

“Robert, please, let’s talk about this,” Aaron said as he caught Robert’s arm in his hand to try and force him to stop.

“Talking’s not going to help anything,” Robert admitted.

“I said Liv’s been stupid. She made a mistake,” Aaron said.

“Yeah, and you knew that. You knew what she did and didn’t say anything to me about it,” Robert said. “Not a single word. What would have happened if I’d been charged? If they’d chucked me inside would you have even told me what happened?”

Aaron didn’t say anything to that and Robert had his answer.

“Aaron,” Robert said. “I can’t do this right now.”

“I don’t want to leave it like this,” Aaron said quietly.

“And I didn’t want to feel this way. Looks like we both won’t get what we want,” Robert said. He pulled his arm from Aaron’s hand and turned to walk away. He tucked his hands in his pockets and hunched in on himself as if that would somehow stop the hurt. It didn’t.

* * *

“Rob?” Vic called as she came home. “Why are you sat in the dark? Did you and Aaron have another fight?”

Robert didn’t say anything. Just stared down at the beer he’d opened but hadn’t drank out of yet.

“All right,” Vic said sitting down next to him. “Out with it, you.”

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Vic,” Robert admitted quietly.

“What do ya mean?”

“Aaron,” Robert said.

“But you love him,” Vic said.

“Yeah,” Robert said. “But I can’t keep coming in second-best.”

“To Liv? Rob, she’s just a kid,” Vic said.

“No, I know that,” Robert said. “And I get that she comes first but it’s starting to feel like I don’t come in at all.”

“What are you on about?” Vic asked.

“I can’t even trust him to be honest with me,” Robert shook his head. “He’d lie right to my face to protect Liv, even if means I’ll go down for it.”

“Go down for what, Rob? What have you got yourself into?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Robert shook his head. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Robert Sugden, you best start talking right now,” Vic demanded. “What’s brought all this on?”

He couldn’t tell his sister what he did with Ryan. “I just realized where I stand with Aaron, that’s all.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Vic said. “He loves the both of you.”

“He loves her more than me,” Robert said. “That’s not… I know I sound like a child having a tantrum, but it just hurts that he won’t have my back.”

Robert sighed and rubbed at his forehead. “She hates me. Absolutely hates me. Thinks I’m in the way of her and Aaron. She thought I killed her dad. She thought I’d been sending her mean messages. She wants me gone and tried to get me arrested… And Aaron’s never said _anything._ ”

“Surely she didn’t think you’d kill Gordon?” Vic asked.

“No. She did,” Robert admitted. “Only after Chas and Aaron put it in her head.”

“They wouldn’t,” Vic said.

“I’m just… tired,” Robert said, hating that his voice broke. “I fight with Chas. Aaron’s family. Now Liv. I only wanted to be with Aaron, but I can’t keep doing this. I know I’m a disaster, but I tried, I really have. But there’s only so much I can do.

“And Aaron, he’s caught in the middle. He doesn’t want to make his sister feel alone and I get that, but that means he just chucks me out.” Robert took a breath. “I don’t want him to feel like he has to keep choosing. And so long as Liv’s around and his entire family hates me, he’s going to keep feeling that way.”

“Rob, what are you saying?”

“I think I have to end things with him,” Robert said.

“But you only really got back together!” Vic said. “You haven’t even given it a proper chance yet!”

“I know,” Robert said. “Trust me, I know.”

“Why don’t ya sleep on it, yeah? You might feel better in the morning,” Vic suggested.

“I doubt it, but I really don’t want to have this conversation tonight,” Robert said. His phone buzzed and it was Aaron once again trying to contact him. “I’m just going to bed.”

Robert left his buzzing phone on the table and leaving Vic to think whatever she liked about him and his current disaster in his love life.

* * *

Robert walked back into the backroom at the pub, feeling more nervous that he ought to. He was doing the right thing. Or at least, trying to do the right thing.

“Robert,” Aaron said, jumping up from the table. “I’ve been ringing ya.”

“Yeah, I know,” Robert said. “I wasn’t ready to talk.”

“But you are now?”

“Sort of,” Robert said.

“Sort of? What do ya mean?”

“Why don’t we sit down?” Robert suggested.

“Robert, you’re worrying me,” Aaron said and stubbornly refused to sit.

“Look, Aaron, this whole thing is a mess,” Robert said bluntly.

“I know and I’m sorry,” Aaron said.

“You know what I was thinking about while they held me there?” Robert asked. Aaron shook his head. “I was so worried about what was going to happen to you and Liv if I got sent down. I was thinking about how you’d cope and how I was going to protect ya, both of ya, if I was inside.”

“Rob—”

“And then you didn’t even tell me what had happened. You sat there all day, listening to me worry about Ryan and trying to figure it all out. And you said nothing to me,” Robert said.

“What was I supposed to say?” Aaron asked. “My little sister just reported you to the police cause she still sort of hates ya?”

“Yes,” Robert said. “So I’d know what I was up against.”

“You might have gotten mad and dropped her in it,” Aaron said.

“You really think I’d do that to you?” Robert asked.

“I don’t know,” Aaron admitted.

Robert laughed because what else was he going to do? “I didn’t come here to has this all out again.”

“But we have to get passed this, Robert,” Aaron said. “I need you two to get on.”

“No,” Robert said. “What you need is for me to go.”

Aaron froze. “What?”

“I’ve been fighting against everyone for so long, Aaron, I can’t do it anymore. Your family don’t want me anywhere near you. Your sister hates me. She thinks I’m interfering with your relationship. And she’s not wrong. It always seems to come down to her and me fighting for your attention. And I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to put you in that position anymore of having to choose me.”

“So you’re done with me?” Aaron asked as his eyes filled with water. “After everything.”

Robert nodded and reached out to grab at Aaron’s upper arms. “I have to be. You’re supposed to be getting better and healing. My being here is just causing you grief.”

“But I want you here,” Aaron said.

“Maybe,” Robert agreed. “But I don’t know if I can do this right now, Aaron. I want to be there for you, so badly, but I can’t keep fighting with your mum and your sister over you. Especially when I know exactly where I stand.”

“Where do you stand?” Aaron asked.

“At the bottom,” Robert said. “And I understand. I get it, I do. My sister means everything to me, too. But… it’s killing me to listen to your sister throw accusations against me around and then not have you not say a single word for me.”

“I’ve talked to her about it,” Aaron said.

“But how many more times are we going to go through this?” Robert asked. “I know how important your family is to you. And I don’t want you to feel like you have to choose anymore.”

“Robert, no.” Aaron wiped at his eyes and reached up to grip Robert’s wrists in his hands. “Please don’t do this. I can’t face this without ya.”

“You don’t need me, Aaron,” Robert said. “You never did. And I only brought you trouble.”

“That’s not true,” Aaron tried to argue.

“It is,” Robert said. “And now you won’t have to worry about me so you can go and focus on your sister and getting better, yeah?”

Aaron crumbled and Robert couldn’t help but pull him into his arms. He rubbed and Aaron’s back as he clutched onto Robert. Robert’s eyes burned as he fought to hold back tears as well. He didn’t want to give Aaron up, not really. But he knew that this was the only thing he could do to make things easier for Aaron.

“Please, Robert,” Aaron begged. “Don’t do this.”

“I have to,” Robert said. “We were going round in circles.”

Robert kissed Aaron’s head before pulling away slowly.

“I’ll always care about ya,” Robert promised. “You just take care of yourself and Liv, yeah?”

Aaron didn’t say anything and Robert let him go and walked out of the backroom.

“Robert?” Vic asked. “How did it go? You talk to him?”

Robert nodded and closed his eyes to keep the tears at bay until he was out of here. “Go check on him, yeah?”

“What about you, Rob?” Vic asked.

“I’m just heading back to yours,” Robert told her. “I don’t want him to be alone.”

Robert didn’t stay to find out if she listened or not because he had to get out there.

 


End file.
